Speaker 1 0:04

I'm drunk, like right here recording, okay. Oh right, neck F, I am, yeah, ready man, here we go. Ready man, I got me a burr, shut the hell up, and I got me a bit of.

Speaker 2 0:21

Shut up.

Speaker 1 0:29

Okay.

Speaker 3 0:31

You asked for it, didn't you? Hi, this is Chris.

Speaker 1 0:35

Hi, this is Costello. Well, it would be, but I ain't him today. I'll see you figure that out.

Speaker 3 0:43

It's ho, ho, ho. We're going to be doing our Kristen Costello, redneck, south Carolina, redneck Christmas special.

Speaker 1 0:50

Redneck FM. Hang on Kristen.

Speaker 3 0:53

I wasn't going to go in voice Redneck FM. You can't give the boy a new toy and expect him not to go nuts with it. It's just like this guy back in New Jersey. He was up there flying his drone for the past week.

Speaker 1 1:17

Look at all the shit you caused by doing that.

Speaker 3 1:20

He's dressed the part. I don't know where the hell you got that jacket, that hat? You're like a drunk redneck. You're like a drunk redneck. You're like a drunk redneck, neighbor for sure. Oh, you don't, Nick I guess I'm going to go ahead and get the character to you. We're going to start doing that.

Speaker 1 1:33

Oh shit, Say it with me. Say it with me, that brother from the South. Hey, you know what? You don't look as brown as you did last time.

Speaker 3 1:44

I've been trying to lighten up for this redneck Christmas special, okay, so I can look pale and sickly like you do, yeah.

Speaker 1 1:53

Well, yeah, you know, this is of course, the canceled radio guys. Redneck, special Redneck, my neck. Yeah, I got that, it's just the glow from my neck. Yeah, I got that in my neck, it's just the glow from my jacket. I'm not really a redneck. Look see, watch what happens. You see, take the jacket off, put it back on. Put the jacket back on.

Speaker 3 2:17

Yeah, are you ready for Christmas boy?

Speaker 1 2:20

Nah, my two front teeth is.

Speaker 3 2:22

Look, you all dressed for the Christmas party. You got that fancy, fancy goat eating dinner jacket on there and stuff.

Speaker 3 2:32

Now we'll be going down the corral a little later. If we could, I'd like to start off our Christmas special with my favorite Christmas song of all time, and that's. You know, when you watch the Leverage, you know we like a good pork. I was going to say my favorite Christmas song of all time to kick off our Redneck Christmas special. Redneck Christmas special. You know when you watch Deliverance, we're kind of fond of the porky stuff. So my favorite of all time is Porky Pig doing Blue Christmas.

Speaker 1 2:59

I love that song.

Speaker 3 3:01

I do too. Come on, man Play it. Here we go.

Speaker 1 3:03

Come on, man Play it. Here we go. Come on, I love it, I do, I do, I love it, and there it is.

Speaker 5 3:12

I'll have a blue Christmas without you. If you feel so blue, it'll be just thinking about you. It'll be decorations of red on a green Christmas tree. It won't be the same day if you're not here with me. And when those blue snowflakes start falling, that's when those blue memories start calling blue. In many memories, if they start a-callin', you'll be doin' all right with your Christmas myself, right? But I'll be blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas. I think it's part two. Every blue, every blue, blue, blue christmas. Oh man, thank you Porky. Thank you, porky. That's my Porky.

Speaker 1 5:02

Pig man, thank you.

Speaker 3 5:05

Porky.

Speaker 1 5:06

Thank you, Porky, that's my Porky Pig boy, you know a little later on on this fabulous broadcast. You lost your accent what?

Speaker 3 5:15

You lost your redneck accent. Oh yeah, I forgot. There it is, there it is.

Speaker 1 5:23

What's a little later on this broadcast going to be, boy, I'd say, the very worst song you ever heard Christmas.

Speaker 3 5:26

Okay.

Speaker 1 5:27

I think you will agree.

Speaker 3 5:29

What does this look like to you?

Speaker 1 5:32

What does that look like to me? I don't know. I've got something in my mind. Oh, it's Mr Hankey.

Speaker 3 5:39

It's Turd. Oh the Christmas Turd. See that you wind this thing up, it drops the turd. See that you wind this thing up. You drop the turd out of the back. Okay, let's see if it works.

Speaker 1 5:53

Do you have blood in your stool? Up a bit up, a bit up, a bit.

Speaker 3 5:57

There you go, it ain't coming out.

Speaker 1 6:00

Oh no, it's constipated. Oh no, santa's constipated. Oh no, santa's constipated.

Speaker 3 6:07

It won't come out, though it won't drop into there. You see it, look at it. You see it doing it. Oh, I can see it. Yes, it's doing it, it's prairie dogging. It's prairie dogging Once it comes out.

Speaker 6 6:19

Look at it, it's prairie dogging Get out of there, get out that day, prairie dog, you're making mushrooms.

Speaker 3 6:26

It's not working. Pretty much like our show. It ain't working. It's getting better.

Redneck Christmas Comedy and Music

Speaker 1 6:30

We could start over again, you know.

Speaker 3 6:31

Oh, you got the 12 Days of Christmas. The Redneck 12 Days of Christmas, oh, hell, yeah. Oh, we need you, we need our buddy. The king of redneck, jeff Foxworthy, came with the 12 Days of Redneck Christmas. I love this thing. Go ahead and play it. Wait, here it is, go on.

Speaker 7 6:50

Woo, Somebody done been to the Walmart? Man, that's just the stuff I got for Christmas. You cleaned up. What'd you get?

Speaker 2 6:55

Five travel shots.

Speaker 7 6:58

Four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two hunting dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT. Oh, you got Jeff Burr's. 12 Days to Christmas. I know that I got it covered. Look over in the corner, that's yours too. Yeah, 12 pack of Bud, 11 wrestling tickets, 10 of Copenhagen, 9 years probation, 8 table dancers, 7 packs of Redman, 6 cans of Spam, four Big Mac tires, three shotgun shells, two hunting dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT man.

Speaker 7 7:34

These ain't normal Christmas presents. Ah, the redneck gift, Redneck gift. Yeah, you know. Like if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishing lures, or if you can burp the entire chorus of Jingle Bells, Perhaps if you think the nutcracker is something you did off of a high dive, or if you've ever misspelled anything in Christmas lights, or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus. What's wrong with that? I didn't say anything wrong with it. It's hard to beat. Well, pack a Bud, Levin wrestling tickets, pin a Copenhagen nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of Redman, six cans of bath, Five battle shots, Four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two hunting dogs and some parts to a Mustang G2. Here you go. Well, you know you can't really consider it a Christmas unless you go down to the penitentiary.

Speaker 1 8:28

You're right, thank you too.

Speaker 3 8:30

My favorite part of those is the nine years probation and the five flannel shirt. I'm going to call you again.

Speaker 5 8:37

How many flannel shirts you?

Speaker 3 8:39

got boy, you should be wearing a flannel shirt underneath your fancy to-go-to-eating dinner jacket. You should be wearing a flannel shirt underneath your fancy to-go-to-eat-and-dinner jacket.

Speaker 1 8:44

Yep, there it is. It's all wrinkled up and everything.

Speaker 3 8:47

Is that flannel?

Speaker 1 8:49

It's not flannel.

Speaker 3 8:50

Wash your mouth out boy, and for you you get nine years probation. That's great.

Speaker 1 8:56

I thought. I must admit, I laughed at that too. Fortunately I wasn't getting that.

Speaker 3 9:01

What song are you saving next? You played one last year.

Speaker 1 9:04

Oh, I just remember when I was going to play for you. It's stuck somewhere else on the computer, but never mind, we can look for it and I'll get it.

Speaker 3 9:14

But I didn't want to do it again. You sit back into English a little bit and you come back to redneck. I did there. It is Hard to keep it in. Hard to keep it, isn't it Hard to keep it?

Speaker 1 9:26

Actually, I'll tell you what. I found one here that I thought you would really like. All right, it goes a bit like this. I'll have to tell you what it's called, in case you don't speak posh. It's called Democrats Don't Deserve Christmas. Ooh, democrats Don't Deserve Christmas. See, I wasn't just wasting my time here. So here we go, here we go. I'm going to push the button, that's it. Yep, yep. I'm going to push the other button and then we're going to push the other button.

Speaker 3 9:56

Can't get the turn up, can't get the turn up there we go.

Speaker 6 10:05

Last Christmas, the North Pole was booming. Toys were on all of the shelves. Now Santa can't find any workers Cause the government's paying his elves. So Santa came up with a new plan. Since there's not enough toys to go around, oh shit, he delivered the toys to the good girls and boys, whose folks didn't vote for this clown, oh shit, oh, which one? That's mean You're all on one big naughty list. He wrote let's go Brandon, right there on his slate. He took the red pill and he's coming your way singing. Democrats don't deserve Christmas Eve.

Speaker 1 10:59

And you know what's scary is, we've got the worst one coming up. This ain't nothing like the worst.

Speaker 6 11:04

Santa heard about gas and inflation and what biden's planning to do. So he hovered right over the white house. Let all of his reindeer go poof. Santa knows that he'll probably be cancelled. I left wings and those spoiled brats. But Santa just tweeted this morning. Said you snowflakes can all kiss my ass Because Democrats don't deserve Christmas. Looks like old Santa is pissed. Told them Democrats don't deserve Christmas. You're all on one big naughty list. He wrote. Let's go, brandon, right there on his slate. Let's go, brandon.

Speaker 3 11:54

Oh, that's like he's definitely this year of Republican Christmas.

Speaker 1 12:15

That's it Actually. I think it was last Christmas.

Speaker 3 12:19

Look at this. Yeah, like you.

Speaker 1 12:22

Let me see, here I got to bring you up big on my screen, boy boy that look like to you.

Speaker 3 12:26

Let me see, here I've got to bring you up big on my screen, lion Boy. What does that look like to you? What am I holding? Oh, tiny whities, this is my underwear. Right, this is a new invention. I got these for Christmas. They're not underpants, these are called hander pants. They're actually gloves that make it look like underwear.

Speaker 1 12:45

Did you think about that all along?

Speaker 3 12:47

I did all the best I could do, you put these on.

Speaker 1 12:51

Come on now, let's see them.

Speaker 3 12:53

I'm coming, here we go. That damn pinky is always a tough one. Here we go. That damn pinky's always in trouble. Here we go. I'm wearing underwear on my hand.

Speaker 1 13:31

Nice, give it 20 minutes. You'll have a nice pink brown stripe down there.

Speaker 3 13:34

I'm hoping it is called Hander Pants. I'm going to put the skid mark on while you play the next song oh you are.

Speaker 1 13:42

Oh, how sweet, how lovely.

Speaker 3 13:47

Let me next song okay, oh, oh, you are. Oh, how sweet, how lovely. Let me get that. Wait, I can just get this damn turd to come out of this thing and get the turd, I might get my skid mark indeed, indeed, you could well, I'll tell you what this one I.

Speaker 1 14:00

I just think this is just cruel, unnecessary, and I think it just ain't fair that anybody would say anything about this. My turkey cooking, yeah, my turkey sucks.

Speaker 2 14:22

Oh Lord, have mercy. Ain't no jive, ain't no lies. This turkey's got me traumatized. Grab a plate, grab a drink, baby. Don't you dare take a bite of that stain. This Christmas turkey, baby is dry as hell. Chewed so hard I broke my dental shell, stuffed and fell out like a pile of dust. I said what's this mess Baby? What's the rush? They said it was roasted with love and pride. But that bird came out like a homicide, carved it up and found no meat. I said, damn, is this even fit to eat? This Christmas Christmas, turkey sucks. It's tough, it's rough. Man, you do this stuff.

Speaker 2 15:12

This Christmas turkey sucks. I need some gravy, lord, I love love, burnt on the edges and raw in the middle. It's like playing a sad ass turkey fiddle. The drumstick snapped, the breast collapsed and that skin got the texture of a leather strap. Granny said let's keep flying quick. But the fire caught fire and now we're sick, the smoke detector screaming abort, abort. And now we're eating popcorn, drinking bones from pork. This Christmas turkey sucks. It's pie, it's pie, it's a homicide. This Christmas turkey sucks. All nine, one one whisper and die. Mac and cheese is all right. Collard greens hit the light. Cornbread got that golden crust.

Speaker 5 16:17

I love it, man, this turkey's gone.

Speaker 2 16:20

It's gone. It's gone. They tried to glaze it with some cranberry jam, but, baby, it still tastes like a cat's fam. Uncle Joe said pass me the salt. But no amount of seasoning could fix this fault. We called up the butcher, said what's the deal? He said that ain't turkey, it's an armadillo meal, damn. No wonder it's tough and full of grit. This Christmas, turkey's are the counterfeit. This Christmas, turkey sucks. Next year, baby, just buy us cake. Oh Lord, next year we ain't doing this again. Granny says she'll just make a famous ham. Uncle Joe's still in the bathroom. Pray for him and me. I'm getting Chinese takeout beef.

Speaker 3 17:21

Y'all, jesus, this turkey air sucks, sucks, bye-bye buddy, everybody got an Uncle Joe in the bathroom. When we have our Christmas party, it's Scottsdale in the bathroom. Turn on the fan. Turn on the fan. Watch all the wildlife Run, run Get that damn thing out of here, come on, get out of there. Oh, that damn thing out of there, get it out of there.

Speaker 1 17:46

Oh man, that's your Christmas ruined, your Christmas ruined.

Speaker 3 17:51

I got it and a little turd dropping machine. I can't get my skid mark yet, I'm working on it though, okay.

Speaker 1 18:00

Your Christmas is complete. It is Well, I tell you what. Have you got your lights up around your house? I do.

Speaker 3 18:11

I got them outside the trailer.

Speaker 1 18:18

How many wheels we got on the ground this year.

Speaker 3 18:20

Get back to porky freaking pig again. How many wheels we got on the what.

Speaker 1 18:23

How many wheels we got on the again? How many wheels you got on the what? How many wheels you got on the ground?

Speaker 3 18:28

How many wheels you got on the ground.

Speaker 1 18:29

On your trailer.

Speaker 3 18:31

Oh, I thought you were talking about the damn airplane, or something.

Speaker 1 18:33

No, I got eight wheels, eight wheeler oh an eight wheeler.

Speaker 3 18:38

Don't want the middle to fall in. You got to have some wheels in the middle.

Speaker 1 18:42

That's true. I hadn't thought of that. I was just, I was just. I was just. What about? What about? What about?

Speaker 3 18:47

what, what, what, what you got a damn stutter going on again there. What the hell going on with that?

Speaker 1 18:53

I'm excited what about Christmas lights.

Speaker 3 18:59

I got, I got, I got the lights.

Speaker 1 19:01

You got the lights.

Speaker 3 19:03

I don't take them down, leave them up all year. I just plug them in when it's time and I don't leave them unplugged when.

Speaker 1 19:07

I don't. Oh well, pal.

Speaker 3 19:09

You don't, redneck, so I'll take your Christmas lights down and leave them up.

Speaker 1 19:12

Hell. No, well, here's what happens if you do, is all I can say.

Speaker 2 19:16

Fuck these Christmas lights.

Speaker 2 19:18

Oh hell no. Every damn year it's the same thing. Got me tangled, tripped and straight up flipped. These lights ain't no job, this is a battle. Fuck these Christmas lights. Pulled them from the closet, Thought I'd be slick, but these wires got me cussing. Oh, this is some shit. Wrap around the reindeer, Twist it on the tree Like they fought a whole war Without telling me. Got my coffee in one hand, my patience in the other. Now I'm roped up worse than my kid's damn brother. I tug, I yank, I shimmy and shout, but these funky ass lights just won't come out.

Speaker 2 20:02

Oh fuck these Christmas lights. Oh yeah, they got me fussing every night. Oh no, I'm tangled up in misery. A funky fight with electricity. I said fuck these Christmas lights. Last year I swore this shit will be fine, Took my time, rolled them tight, made them align, but now they're snarled up worse than disco's hair. I swear these wines got demons in there. I tried to blame the cat, but he don't even care. These lights got me praying like Reverend, Despair, Busted bulbs. Oh, now I'm cussing the socket. Hell said to himself couldn't fix this hot pocket. Oh fuck these Christmas lights. Oh yeah, they got me tangled, fighting wires left and right. Oh no, I need a drink. It's like a Motown job gone wrong. This ain't no merry Christmas song. I said fuck these Christmas lights. And where the white women at why they do me like this baby. Oh Lord, Christmas forced to be love, but I'm at war. All I wanted was a tree that glows, but these lights got me wrapped like my daddy's old hose.

Speaker 1 21:42

And that's the end of that one, hunter Payne.

Speaker 3 21:46

I was wondering. It was just me and you at the party. We need some women, don't we at the party.

Speaker 1 21:51

We do Not just any women.

Speaker 2 21:54

Hey, where are the white women at?

Speaker 1 21:55

That's better. White women, white women at you couldn't hear that.

Speaker 2 21:59

Hey, where are the white women at?

Speaker 1 22:01

Okay, we'll stop. I need to put on a clean undies for the white women at.

Speaker 3 22:03

I ain't putting on a clean undies for the white women.

Speaker 1 22:07

I have this real feeling we should just start the damn thing all over again. What do you say? This has been the hardest thing to get going, hasn't it?

Speaker 3 22:17

You're just not used to talking like a redneck for more than 15 seconds at a time.

Speaker 1 22:22

Well, yeah, it's you too.

Speaker 3 22:24

Some people it comes easy.

Speaker 1 22:27

I'm boring in redneck shit. Well, if I want to talk like redneck, then I'll talk like redneck Breaking character for a second.

Speaker 3 22:34

Remember we always wanted to do our own radio station for a podcast called the Redneck.

Speaker 1 22:39

We did, we did.

Speaker 3 22:40

This is the audition for that station, the Redneck, just to see how we would do, see how tough it is to talk in this type of voice for like more than five freaking minutes.

Speaker 1 22:52

Well, I haven't been around too many Rednecks to talk proper Redneck. But down in Texas now Texas they talk.

Speaker 3 22:59

Texas. That's a different thing. You're in the South. Well, I guess they're Texas in the South, I guess, right.

Speaker 1 23:05

It.

Speaker 3 23:05

That's different than you in the South. I guess Texas is in the South. I guess, right, it's about South as you can get. Yeah, that's true, I'm from Atlanta. They called me a Yankee. I said dude, the people in Texas call me. I said I'm from Atlanta. They go North of here, ain't it? I'm?

Speaker 1 23:17

going shit. What are you going to do? They shot you, man.

Speaker 3 23:21

Shot you, they shot you, man, I did try that. I was in a studio, I had a bulletproof glass window. I had three shots. I shot it three times. This is a drive-by, just drive-by. Boom. It's a freaky thing. You got three shots. You're just on the book. What is that? Oh shit, somebody took a shot at me.

Speaker 1 23:45

Well, I've had that happen twice. Once in England which is really kind of unusual the lead guitarist's father decided he didn't want us there rehearsing anymore with the band.

Redneck Christmas Shenanigans and Songs

Speaker 1 23:57

He's like yelling get the fuck out of here and another time when a buddy of mine who's uh, he's in la now, but this was in oklahoma city and all these, uh, I know, actually it was in edmond where ou is, and they didn't like us punks back in them days. There's them, damn faggot punk rockers coming down the street. Son of a bitch, opened up on us, made this guy crazy Dave.

Speaker 3 24:26

You're talking some good redneck here.

Speaker 1 24:28

Yeah, oh yeah.

Speaker 3 24:30

It's Christmas time and we're all in a good mood. I mean, we're not. I love Christmas. Costello Christmas is just a good time. It is, I like any news bothers Christmas. Castello Christmas is just a good time it is. Any news bothers anything. So it's a good little podcast. It was for the first time in a long time, which I'm surprised. The Joe Rogan Experience podcast is not number one. It's been displaced by a brand new podcast. Would you care to guess which one it is or who it is?

Speaker 1 24:56

Oh, I can't imagine it wouldn't be Kelsey Brothers, would it?

Speaker 3 25:00

No, it is not. Then I don't have a guess, although I did see it's related to that, because you got Travis Kelsey Gorsuch, who's dating Taylor Swift. You got Jason Kelsey, who's married with three daughters. I think His wife started one. I'm sorry, I forget what her name is, it's just called. I Never Lie, something like that. Anyway, she debuted first show Number one this place Joe Rogan, the wife of Jason Kelsey. What is the thing with the Casey people?

Speaker 1 25:35

It still makes me feel no better now, no, never mind, no how.

Speaker 3 25:38

There is no hotter family right now. You got Mama Kelsey he's all over the place. You got the New Heights podcast with the brothers. Yeah, One's playing football dating Taylor Swift. Now the other guy's dating his wife. Not dating, he's married his wife. That's the number one podcast in the country. Knocked off a little bald short midget steroid taking joe rogan and she's number one damn that's amazing.

Speaker 1 26:01

It is all because it's just christmas, man, you know, I mean yeah, I got the new thing here's we.

Speaker 3 26:06

We are actually number uh, 498.

Speaker 1 26:09

Well, that's not too bad. Two more to go and we're nowhere. Oh, gotcha, thank you.

Speaker 3 26:26

I'm back to the redneck now, okay.

Speaker 1 26:27

Yeah, so we have to Okay, we don't have to See.

Speaker 3 26:31

it's not that we ever do the station the redneck. When you can't do the accent for it, you can't even stand doing it.

Speaker 1 26:37

Oh no, I could, I could do it too, it's just that.

Speaker 3 26:41

Well, we kind of screwed it up. You talk so like that.

Speaker 1 26:45

I think if I take this hat off, I think things might go a little smoother. There we go. Let's get rid of that. There you go. That's much better.

Speaker 3 26:57

Oh yeah, so you've got the jacket on. Okay, that's much better. Oh yeah, still got the jacket on.

Speaker 1 27:00

Ah, that's a Christmas jacket though.

Speaker 3 27:02

Well, I gotta wish everyone A really super merry Christmas, happy New Year and stuff. It's gonna be a fun year for the Chris and Costello podcast. Just watch and see what happens.

Speaker 1 27:12

We gotta have just a little more music Before we bugger off.

Speaker 3 27:14

Are you doing the Monty Python thing? Is that it? I was, I'd love to, but wait a minute before we bugger off, are you doing?

Speaker 1 27:19

the Monty Python thing? Is that it? I was? No, I'd love to, but wait a minute. Yeah, okay, I did forget something.

Speaker 3 27:25

What are we going to end the show with the best one? What do you got, oh?

Speaker 1 27:30

man and like I couldn't you see, you see, okay, the very best one, actually the worst, let's see, yeah, the worst one. I really think, and you will probably agree, as everybody listening to this fabulous podcast, which is the cancelled radio guys, now you see why we're cancelled. This is terrible.

Speaker 3 27:54

We suck.

Speaker 1 27:56

This is a lovely little song. I really dug it. It's called Santa, shit Down my Chimney.

Speaker 3 28:03

Lovely.

Speaker 1 28:05

I did say the worst is the best.

Speaker 3 28:06

To us, the worst is the best yeah.

Speaker 1 28:13

It's just excellent, excellent, just take a seat.

Speaker 4 28:20

Take a seat. Well, I'm sitting on the toilet and I'm making them brown While I host a Christmas party and I'm in my hometown. My insides are screaming and my ass makes a frown, but it's such a loud and funny noise I can't settle down. Well, I flush the toilet and I hear a noise on the roof. Now what the fucking hell is interrupting my poop? I'll wipe my ass and wash my hands and head back down. The fireplace explodes and we're scattered all around and I'm thinking Santa went and pooped in my chimney. Heard a thud in the fireplace and it was smelly. I thought I would get cold, but I got duped, cause Santa went and fucking pooped in my chimney. He dropped a big log right down the shaft. I'm at the bank and busting from his massive crap. I get outside and Rudolph's pissing on me Right after Santa took a shit in my chimney. What do you have in there?

Speaker 1 29:20

I hope you get all Right after Santa took a shit in my chimney.

Speaker 4 29:24

Well, I'm around you back inside and my whole house is ablaze and all Santa's there are standing with a grin on his face. He's a drunk as fucking hell and chugging all of my Jack. His pants are down and I can see his hairy nutsack. And Santa done and gone and I pooped in my chimney, heard a thud in the fireplace and it was smelly. Thought I would get cold, but I got dookie Cause. Santa went and fucking pooped in my chimney, dropped a big log right down the shaft, the methane combusting from his massive craft. I get outside Rudolph's pissing on me Right after Santa took a shit in my chimney. Oh, he just passed out on the ground.

Speaker 2 30:14

But he ain't done making brown Third solo, but he ain't done making brown Bart Solo.

Speaker 4 30:34

He dropped a big log right down the shaft. Okay, all right. Busted from his massive craft.

Speaker 3 30:41

I'll get you out of here.

Speaker 4 30:42

He got down the root off, spits it on the leaf, Okay all right. He slammed a chunk of shit in my chamber.

Speaker 1 30:48

I think we call the message.

Speaker 3 30:50

Once he does the part. Though you can't, you might as well he should end the song yeah, hang it up right there, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 1 30:55

You know Right there, absolutely.

Speaker 3 30:56

I always used to have great respect and admiration for songwriters these guys- no, this one, especially this one.

Speaker 1 31:03

Now, the other ones that are kind of like soulish, they took time to think about their rhymes. They're pretty clever.

Speaker 3 31:09

This thing is like Jesus.

Speaker 1 31:12

How many cuss words and references to a shit can I make? Well, if that ain't real, nick, here's the part solo.

Speaker 3 31:23

We're sitting down to write a song. Where the hell did that come from? I got an idea. Costas, let's do Santa shit down my chimney. Okay, I'll start writing the chorus.

Speaker 1 31:35

And you know what? That's probably someone like Jeff Beck on guitar. It sounds awfully familiar. Oh yeah, I mean, that's not him playing.

Speaker 3 31:44

That's Jeff Beck. After the show going. Do you think I play that freaking band? Do you think I suck like that? Yeah, Jeff, actually I have a question for Mr Engineer, mr Costello, a Christmas request for Mr Bailey over here. Oh, is there a way you can add the Monty Python song? Mr Engineer, mr Costello, a Christmas request for Mr Bailey over here. Oh, we can add the Monty Python song on to the end of our show. We can't introduce it right now.

Speaker 2 32:06

Bingo.

Speaker 1 32:07

You made my Christmas you made my Christmas Made my Christmas Made my Christmas. See what I got.

Speaker 8 32:20

Fuck Christmas. It's a waste of fucking time. Fuck Santa. He's just out to get your dime. Fuck Holly and fuck Ivy and fuck all that mistletoe. Stupid fucking Christmas songs everywhere you go and bloated big fat bastards all going. Ho ho ho. It's fucking Christmas time again. Fuck Christmas. It's a fucking Disney show. Fuck Turkey and fuck all that fucking snow. Fuck reindeer and fuck Rudolph with his stupid fucking nose. Fucking sleigh bells ringing everywhere you fucking go. Fuck stockings and fuck shopping. It just drives us all insane. Go tell the elves to fuck themselves. It's Christmas time again.

Speaker 3 33:52

What did you get here for you, costello, for Costello I got for you for Christmas. Oh, thank you, your very own log cabin. There you go, you put a piece of incense on the inside and it smokes down the chimney A good place in the woods with your log cabin.

Speaker 1 34:12

Yeah, there you go, don't shit down the chimney.

Speaker 3 34:15

Don't do it.

Speaker 1 34:16

Did you happen to get that picture I sent you of that cake? Suck it to me. No, oh no. You're not looking at your emails, man, I do. They put stickers on them now, at Food Lion, and on the top of this big cake, which was very reminiscent to one 40 years ago, it says suck it to me.

Speaker 3 34:36

Seriously, seriously. I'd see I hadn't heard that in forever.

Speaker 1 34:40

Oh, well, I'll have to see if I can resend it to you.

Speaker 3 34:44

I think it was just an embryo. No, no, comes around then.

Speaker 1 34:51

Okay, sorry, my brain was somewhere else. It really really was. So is Santa Claus going to be visiting your house today, tomorrow?

Speaker 3 35:00

He is because I have two five-year-old twins. Oh, my Two doors away are going to be there. A 15-year-old is coming oh, my daughter's here, son-in-law's coming, holy crap.

Speaker 1 35:14

Oh my, you really got a house full.

Speaker 3 35:17

We only had that, so we'm very happy to have it. That's cool. Merry Christmas.

Speaker 1 35:22

Merry Christmas. No wonder you were out. I was going to ship my presents. No, oh crap.

Speaker 3 35:28

I know I got to go finish up. I got to go do that Our Christmas wish to all of our listeners. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. We'll be back in 2025. We will. Better, better produced, more prepared, better engineered.

Speaker 1 35:43

Listen, this is Two new personalities. This is like take four of times we try oh nobody there. Oh shit, I got to go now. I can't do this. Oh, I'm sorry, I got stuck in a snowdrift.

Speaker 3 35:55

If we could just put together all the lowlights. It'd be kind of funny. But it's going to be a fun year. A lot of big things coming up, a lot of new things. I'm excited about it. Lots of things and we just hope that Santa doesn't shoot down your chimney. Well, the funny thing, one of our new producers said one of the first things she said we had to work on is dress better and look at it, we're just going out with a bang.

Speaker 1 36:20

I mean, I actually did shave for this, but I guess I'll have to get the old eyeliner out and we'll have to do the TV stuff.

Speaker 3 36:28

You have to top that back. She said we need to have a better presentation but need to look better and dress better. And look what we're wearing today. I'm wearing this thing and you get some tuxedo from 1968 or something. I don't know what the hell that thing is.

Speaker 1 36:41

That's pretty funny. I just thought well, no, you see, here's the thing. Here's what she's saying is that we should be looking off camera like hold on a minute so I can get it right here. We go Like this all the time. This is how we should be doing it. You see, she really said that. Well, that's what I think she has in mind. She wants us doing this. What?

Speaker 3 37:02

are we looking at then? What are we looking at?

Speaker 1 37:04

Well, you can do it this way. I'll look at you then. But you see, it's backwards. I usually look at you during the show.

Speaker 3 37:09

Anyway, I don't know. It's like I'm seeing a booger or something looking right at you. I don't look around like.

Santa's Job Ain't Easy

Speaker 1 37:13

Look, look, look up his nose there. What are we supposed to do? I mean, we're supposed to do that. Hang on a second here, then what? I wonder if I can change this while we're doing this. I think I can Bingo. Hey, there we go, right Now. You see, now this is mirrored. So when I look at Bailey, I'm looking at Bailey. Okay, so the thing of it is you see, I'm looking at you right now.

Speaker 3 37:38

I'm looking at you right now.

Speaker 1 37:39

Yeah, we see you have to get in there and mirror yours.

Speaker 3 37:41

I want to, but I'm looking at you right now.

Speaker 1 37:45

I can think of much better things to look at than that. So you see, and then it works. And then, to be really cool, you see you've got to slouch back just a little bit and and um, but in fact, actually the one you were showing us. What was it? The casey? The kelsey brothers? Right, this is, this is the kelsey brothers. Yeah, where the hell? Back here.

Speaker 3 38:05

Well, I hope you can hear us that's it for um well they have. They have a mic in a long stand so they can just lean back where they want. They both had headphones on and they just. I don't need headphones, I can hear you and they get fed, and they had a beer.

Speaker 1 38:23

I saw it.

Speaker 3 38:24

Oh, you can do that. Yeah, you can do it.

Speaker 1 38:28

It's simple. Look, we just got to move closer together.

Speaker 3 38:31

I'll move back a little bit. Oops, sorry.

Speaker 1 38:37

That's your other podcast. Okay, sorry.

Speaker 3 38:39

How to your other podcast? Okay, sorry.

Speaker 1 38:40

How to stand at attention after 60.

Speaker 3 38:42

That's my podcast called Tickle Me, elmo, okay.

Speaker 1 38:46

Tickle my Elmo and I'll follow you anywhere. Merry Christmas everybody. Bailey's, I don't know what he's done. He's got, oh, I think his image just got stuck, or he's stuck to the window. Did you stick your tongue out in the window and get stuck? Oh well, I don't know what happened there. We'll see you next year. We'll see you next year.

Speaker 6 39:12

Santa's job ain't easy. It gets harder every year Burglar, alarms, cameras, no place to park the deer.